Don't badmouth the bride

“If you badmouth the bride, you’ll attract the ire of the bridegroom.”

This is one of those things that I have heard from pastors in various forms over the years. Is there any legitimacy to such an idea?

First, who is the bride?

Generally when you see this idea stated, the church is positioned as the bride. What a can of worms this opens. If we are to never criticize the church, then what of Martin Luther and his 95 theses? Was he wrong with his critique? What about the Old Testament prophets, ordained by God specifically to criticize the God-ordained Theocracy of Israel? Were they wrong to call out problems within the nation? What about the challenges that Peter and Paul seemed to have seeing eye to eye in the proto-church? Were they wrong to challenge each other, or is the church better for their differing perspectives?

Desiringgod.com has an article that is critical of criticizing the church. Yet, Piper (and his friends) are pretty well known for criticizing other Christians. Are they wrong for their attacks? Am I wrong for asking these questions, as they certainly are pointing out hypocrisy within the church?

But this begs another question: Who is the church?

Obviously, the church consists of the people in the church (“when two or more are gathered…”), not the institution itself. It follows that every Christian is the bride.

Of course, that isn’t obvious to everyone. Some claim that the bride is the institution. But if that’s the case, we have to address the split from the Catholic church. If the institution is the bride, then we have a very difficult conversation in regards to the reformation and the plethora of denominational splits that have occurred over the last several centuries.

Let’s dismiss those people who selectively choose which institutions to protect against criticism, and assume that the bride should be understood as the individuals within the church.

If Jesus is to be our example, how did he interact? Did he challenge or protect religious institutions? How did he behave towards the hurting and downtrodden? If a church institution is hurting an individual within the church, would Jesus protect the institution, or go through the religious leaders to protect the individual?

Jesus was kind, he wasn’t nice. to be kind requires honesty and love. To be nice only requires duplicity and lies. Jesus spoke truth to everyone.

Truth proffered to institutional leaders, even with all love and the best of intentions, is often responded to with anger. Power corrupts.

Truth directed at individuals within the church, without love and grace, is frequently abuse.

Truth, even hard truths, when spoken with love to hurting individuals can be transformational and restorative.

We have various instances where Jesus seemed harsh to individuals — the woman at the well comes to mind. But it quickly becomes clear that he is being restorative, not abusive. This is quite a contrast to the Pharisees preparing to stone the woman caught in adultery.

When Piper’s church excommunicates a woman for divorcing her abusive husband, do their actions mimic those of Jesus, or those of the pharisees?

As Christians, what is our duty? Do we loudly scream that God hates divorce as we delete our friend from our phone? Or do we come alongside our hurting, battle-worn, heartbroken friend and encourage her? Are we the religious leaders who cross the way to stay pure, or are we the good Samaritan who gets dirty to help someone in need?

What then are we to do?

Do we criticize the church?

Do we criticize the institution?

Do we stay silent when we see problems and abuse being perpetrated by religious leaders?

The church can survive our criticisms, but can it survive out silence?